How to Eat Like a Frenchwoman (or Man) and Stay Slender

Many books have been written on this topic, and I haven’t read any of them. I am hoping the French readers of this entry are not offended by my incisive observations, but rather appreciate my forthright rendition of this aspect of their wonderful lifestyle.

Morning:

Eat one small piece of bread, one tiny yoghurt, and one miniature coffee. Croissants are for foreigners. Talk continuously.

Between Breakfast and Lunch:

Don’t even think about it. There are people to talk to, and lunchtime will arrive on time, just as it did the day before.

Noon:

IF AT HOME: Eat soup, four slices of salami, two small pieces of bread, radishes with salt, three tiny pieces of cheese. Talk continuously. Nap for two solid hours.

IF AT A BISTRO/RESTAURANT: Order the four course “menu du jour”: Fois gras appetizer, soup, pasta with truffles, 750 ml of red wine, duck meat, chocolthumb_DSC06854_1024ate dessert with hazelnut ice cream. Miniature coffee. Talk continuously. Nap for two solid hours.


Between Lunch and Dinner:

Don’t even think about it. There are people to talk to, and dinner will arrive on time, just as it did the day before.

Evening:

IF AT HOME: Eat soup, four slices of salami, two small pieces of bread, radishes with salt, three tiny pieces of cheese. Talk continuously. Stay up late, watching TV or reading Proust.

ALTERNATIVE: Offer your American guests six platters of a variety of leftovers. Watch how much they put in their plates. Put approximately 20% of that amount in your plate. Talk continuously. Stay up late, talking about Donald Trump.

IF AT A RESTAURANT: Order a sumptuous, four-course meal, including wine. Leave 75% of it on your plate; do not take it with you, even if you have a dog. Limit yourself to one or two glasses of wine–leave about 25%-50% of the wine in the bottle.  Do not take the remaining wine home with you, even if you have American houseguests. Talk continuously.

Ongoing:

I will discuss the rest of the weight-maintenance habits of the French in a future email. It usually includes regular exercise and four hours of nighttime sex.

Viola!

6 thoughts on “How to Eat Like a Frenchwoman (or Man) and Stay Slender”

    1. Is the concept of a “doggie bag” lost on the French? I thought of all people, the French would not let wine go to waste!

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  2. Just keep on writing, Roland. There is a new tv show about which “diet” is the best. Maybe you should submit your version of the French diet.

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  3. This is great! The only other thing we saw was “between lunch and dinner” there was “Happy Hour” from about 17:00 to 19:00. It consists of an aperitif and perhaps chips or bread sticks and other snacks. Dinner never starts before about 21:00-22:00 (in the south), so French men traditionally visit their girlfriends around Happy Hour before they go home to dinner cooked by the wife, then more nighttime happiness at home. Eh Voila!

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    1. So the French enjoy talking a lot before and during meals and that’s the secret as well as no eating between meals and small meals only when alone. Don’t be gouache and eat everything when out now take leftovers home. Got it!!
      Thanks for the incite!!

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